Scroll of Roman Rabble Visit to Basa Conita Discovered

Scroll of Roman Rabble Visit to Basa Conita Discovered

Vladimir Poutine

December 31, 2016


Filed under Rabble Lifestyle, The Regis Rabble

The long anticipated archaeological results of the project on the recently discovered initial Roman Rabble headquarters are finally in.  Long debated as rumor, the team did indeed find our legendarily esteemed primary publishing office three blocks east and three stories down of the Coliseum completely...

Rich Donor Opts Out of Funding Research to Produce Clean Water in Africa

Rich Donor Opts Out of Funding Research to Produce Clean Water in Africa

Moishe Turweston

December 29, 2016


Filed under Rabble News, The Regis Rabble

Last Saturday evening, a fundraising event titled Enhancing the Future of the Entire World Through Innovation and Engineering Solutions (ETFOTEWTIAES) was held at the Colorado Convention Center. Researchers hoped to solicit donations from some major benefactors. "I was really moved by the scientists...

Santa’s Sweatshop

Santa’s Sweatshop

Moishe Turweston

December 25, 2016


Filed under Features, Rabble News, Showcase, The Regis Rabble

North Pole Colorado Springs--- After receiving an anonymous tip from my little cousin that Santa had a workshop hidden in the woods near the base of Pike’s Peak, we sent a team down to investigate. Upon arriving at the scene, we discovered a Christmas-themed amusement park, obviously a cover for his...

The Complexities of a Great Childhood Experience

The Complexities of a Great Childhood Experience

Digby Gideon Pike

November 17, 2016


Filed under Rabble Opinions, The Regis Rabble

Throughout the 1990's and early 2000's, a newfound cinematic focus emerged as producers became increasingly interested in appealing to younger demographics.  Many of this movement's products failed to impress, but a few outliers universally entertained wide ranges of audiences.  Alongside Spy Kids...

Regis Jesuit Considers Classroom Options Amid Growing Student Body

Regis Jesuit Considers Classroom Options Amid Growing Student Body

Shirley Turweston

October 26, 2016


Filed under Rabble News, The Regis Rabble

For three consecutive years now, the incoming freshmen classes in both the boys and girls divisions have been increasing in number. The growth in the size of the student body has put a strain on the school, which is scrambling to find a place to learn for every class. Some classes are currently in m...

Population of Cleveland Drops 10% After They Win First Super Bowl

Population of Cleveland Drops 10% After They Win First Super Bowl

Winston Mosquehill

October 26, 2016


Filed under Rabble Sports, The Regis Rabble

Ever since Art Modell forced two of the greatest people in football to leave Cleveland, the Browns have been perennial losers, and were the only non-expansion team to never have won a Super Bowl.  Many old fans promised that they just wanted one Super Bowl title before they died.  Well, in the 2022-...

Astronomers Discover Black Hole at Centre of the Universe, Local Lacrosse Legend Crushed

Astronomers Discover Black Hole at Centre of the Universe, Local Lacrosse Legend Crushed

Shack Janley

October 26, 2016


Filed under Rabble Sports, The Regis Rabble

What proved to be a scientific breakthrough for a majority of the world was an emotionally distressing find for Jack Ballingoal, a Regis Jesuit student and lacrosse prodigy who just doesn't get it.  “I'm, like, really good at lacrosse” he said.  “I was pretty sure everything revolved around me....

Angelina Jolie Admits That She Only Divorced Pitt So She Could Adopt Him

Angelina Jolie Admits That She Only Divorced Pitt So She Could Adopt Him

Swuntbury McSilverstein

October 24, 2016


Filed under Rabble News, The Regis Rabble

The world was shocked on September 15th to find that their beloved romance between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had ended.  After an eleven year relationship involving the adoption of six children and capped with a two year marriage, no one on the planet ever expected the love to fade between the ce...

New Sports Coming to Regis Jesuit

New Sports Coming to Regis Jesuit

Charles Livingston

October 24, 2016


Filed under The Regis Rabble

Aurora, CO - After decades of participating in the same sports, Regis Jesuit has had enough. "The students just don't care about football, basketball, and baseball anymore.  They need more exciting events to go to," commented Jimmy Dean, RJ's athletic director.  The Athletic Department at Regis as ...

New Regis Jesuit Courses Include Knitting, 19th Century Medicine, Honda Studies

New Regis Jesuit Courses Include Knitting, 19th Century Medicine, Honda Studies

Swuntbury McSilverstein

May 2, 2016


Filed under Rabble News

At RJHS, we are fortunate enough to have an abundant staff committed to securing an enjoyable and useful experience for its students.  The faculty promotes flexibility and advancement in its methods, and this year did so by adding several classes and opportunities to the mix. This expansion into new...

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